T-Junction

Okay, I have been criticising everyone, and blaming them for blaming me. I had got some people who supported me (just a little), and some people who gave advices, and some people, who acted as if they are a good friend, but in reality they betrayed me. [Okay, listen you two (Yes, only two of you know about my blog), I am not talking about you two]

If I were to gazed the road I had walked before, I will see a thin mist covering it. The road I walked, was always rough and jagged. There was only a few roadsigns, and they were not that clear. The road was never straight, and it was full of obstacles. I am amazed that I could walk this far, at least, I lived longer than those who commited suicide. But I was never happy, for I was just wearing a mask all the time.

Why mask? Why not my own face? That was a long story, and no one would ever find it out, luckily. Perhaps I was dictated to walk the long, curvy and rough road. And, the ending of the road, might be nothing, or maybe just another roadsign, signifying my end of live. But, there is always another split road for me, if I think positively. It's just up to me to choose, and it greatly determines my next destination. Yes, I am in a T-junction now. There is only two ways to choose. The left is to whom Christian called Satan. The right is to Jesus. I had always liked the word "left", but as for this junction, it is not just depending on what word I like or hate. It may turn me into a completely different person.

Okay, you two, especially the Christian one, read these two paragraphs carefully. I had thought to turn into the left road. And I wanted to go into the left road. But I lacked something. Power. Now it's not just the power in the abstract form, is the magical form of power, or you can call it ESP (Extransensory Perception). And that will grant me whatever I want. Oh well, you might say I am crazy and trapped in the devil's vortex. But, hey, give me some time.

Now lets look at my right hand side. Oh, it's the correct way actually. But I had to put down everything, especially greed, glamour, pride and fame. Well, it's easy for you to put them down, but not for a Taurean - they are well-known for their materialistic thinking. Plus, entering that way means you must do a lot of things, especially going to church, reading the Bible, devotion etc. Again, easy for you but not for me. Duh, I feel really angry every Friday after the prayer, and I had told you that. I am really crazy now. Maybe the next minute I will be in the graveyard.

Okay, to the non-Christian one. If it wasn't that incident, perhaps I would turn into the right road without any hesitation. Okay, please don't feel guilty, and just read this thoroughly. Getting first in everything (Although it is not impossible) is my prime goal, and yes, I had earned the first person that you hate the most recently. I don't know whether I still had the rank or not, but then it doesn't matter that much now. Getting first is hard, especially if I want to win May Lee in my studies. But, if I want to get my scholarship, that's the only way I could do, I mean studying like a psycho. I don't have the money to go for tuition classes. I don't have money to ensure that I at least have a high-school education level. You see, now that others wouldn't want to forgive me, and I guess, I shouldn't care about what happened to them anymore. (Okay, now you know I am standing on the left turn's entrance). None of our classmates had experienced the same situation as me. Their parents (and yours too) are wealthy enough to give them a better education. But I know my own family well. I know I have to strive and endeavour to earn everything I want. I understood how you feel and think about me. But if I were to give up, I can't earn a single cent in the future. Please forgive me, and if the same incident happened again next time, you can blog what you want, and I wouldn't shower bad words on you again.

If, everyone had the same conditions as mine, don't you think even more people would download the papers? Well, I shouldn't mention the incident anymore, but it fueled up myself to strive harder. In other words, I will not download that paper I am confident that my future is bright.

Okay, another paragraph for her. (Not you two, but that person didn't know about my blog). Well, what makes you think that I am not poor? African kids? Everyone used that to convince me. But that is not effective for me. Because they were not around me. Those around me were those who do not worry anything, as if there is always a enlightening tomorrow. Actually, it makes no difference whether you want to forgive me, because now there is not a single person with me now, so save your words. (No offense but I really think that, at least, she wouldn't have to switch on her computer to apologise). Okay, tomorrow is a better day for you, and perhaps me too. But I think, if I were to sit at the corner myself and say nothing, it will be a best day everyday. And maybe +100% better for others too, isn't it? Some of our classmates throw a intimidating stare at meet whenever I talk, so I think it's better for me to be quiet.

If the world is always simple, there will be no crime. If the world is always understanding, there will be no poorness. Don't you two agree? Well, I don't know what you two think about this post, but at least, I wrote it with a chuckle. I don't know why I chuckled, and I wrote this with all the awful smoke smell on my body, which came from the newspaper I burnt. Well, at least, I had a better Mooncake Festival, which I originally thought that I would never forgive you before it comes.
Now some people (including you two) asked me whether we are still friends. Well, does my answer matter? I don't really think so, since you two still have your best friends, so my occurence as your friend will not change anything. To the non-Christian girl, my last sentence to you in this post is that, if there was no third-party in our arguement, perhaps I will answer, "Yes! We are still friends!" confidently, not reluctantly. I think that your best friends will never encourage you to accept me as a friend anymore. Okay, to the Christian girl. We were friends since primary school right? We were in the same class for five years, but for four years (Standard Three to Standard Six), we were acquintances. Yet we are in the same class this year. Actually, does my words about the incident matter that much? I think it's not, since our gap is never near. You might say I think that I am very fussy to say that I had to rethink our friendship. But I could have told you that it gurantees that we will not have any arguements. At least, we will not become enemies.

As for another two girls, it's not I don't want to accept you two as friends. The reason is just same as why I did not give the non-Christian girl a nice and happy answer. For the short girl, at least, we did not talked anything bad about each other, but, I don't think I am eligible (Is it correctly spelt?) to be your friend. For the girl whom apologised to me, I couldn't give an exact answer now. But thanks for your encouragement and advices.

The moon was not that round today, does that mean that my life is always lack of a piece? If yes, where is that piece? Does turning to Jesus gives me that piece?