某十有五于前日，众纷祝。礼似山，贺似海。某见此，乐得至夜无眠
反吾，虽尽血汗，乃无惜之。甚或蹋吾功，素疵吾劳。
悲哉世也！岂独一人哉？莫不然矣。
Okay, I know my classical Chinese isn't that great, but at least I am typing this with my own knowledge.
Suddenly, I felt that I have lost my track with the world. I can't catch out with the world's pace. Sigh, I just want to sleep and sleep.
壮举毕，吾弗变，仍捧卷，无嬉乐。
September 22, 2008
September 15, 2008
Lost and Vanished
(Okay, JY, I really hope that you don't read this post, because I have to write something. Hey, I am not talking bad about you, so if you don't trust me, you can still read it.)
I saw a lot of blogs just now. Most of the blogs were talking about me. Only humiliation, criticism, insult and scolding. No one loves that, and neither me too. But if I were to simply find a person and ask, still they will give me a bad remark. You said I should try to be in your shoes, and I don't really think I can solve the incident better than you if I were you. But, if you were me, can you endure the pain of mine? I think you can, but you will just masquerade and camouflage yourself.
Actually, to tell the truth JY, it's not the incident that hurts me the most. The incident is easily forgetted. Here, I have to apologise one more time. I don't think you can make to the bottom of my post without tissues, so please be ready. (Hahaha, in fact, I don't think you will really cry) Now, no one is on the same line nor same side with me now. I don't really need them to attack you back, but at least, I need them to stop the scolding. No one scolds you, right? But hordes of your friends scolded me. You know how I felt when I saw their blogs? My heart was like hung on the wall with a string and swang like pendulum. That was scary.
Perhaps you will more likely trapped in the problem of being happy back again, and I did not really face the problem, so I can't help much in that. Which part I hurt the most? As usual, the heart. (Of course, people say heart-broken but not brain-broken even though the brain controls our emotion) Perhaps, I will not have any friends anymore, I mean the friends I used to have. But, Valerie, thanks for your advices, and Pui Ping, thanks for your encouragement. It helps, in a moderate degree, at least. Now I lost my reputation of being one of the top students. Valerie, that's why I hate being a clever person. I still ended up fooled, humiliated and insulted.
If I were not in this world, don't you think everyone will be much happier, even you too, JY? There would not be such an arguement.
I really hoped that I could change my surroundings, at least for a certain period. But that's not going to be true. I still had to face a lot of criticisms, which I couldn't stop myself from not ignoring them. Well, at least those criticisms are much less in 3 Amanah, right? Uggh, I don't really think so, because most of the students still criticise me beyond my knowledge. But at least, I am fortunate to not to be in the downstairs because I found a lot more people criticising me there.
Am I really poor? Yes, even if you asked me the same question over and over, but this time, is not just in terms of material wealth only. I lost a lot, and you too, I know. I don't know what you lost, but I know you lost. (What sentence is that?) What I lost? I lost friends, in the first place. I lost my reputation, and even though that is not the main scar, I think I am more upset on this. Now people don't trust my results. This made me lost the aspiration and the perseverance to study. If I studied, and get excellent results, they will think that I cheated. So what for I study? For my future? No, studying does not really ensure that your future is bright. But that's the only way I can do as a student.
Parallel with the title, do you think someone found what I lost? Yes, they know what I lost, and they found it, but they will never return that to me. (Until this point, do you know what I really lost?) I think you know, JY, because your English is supremely good, and your comprehensive skill is not bad either. Valerie, it might take you some time to find out. (No offense, but I think you are too blur in this matter) But, if I were to stop my steps, I will lose even more, don't you think so?
Tomorrow is Chinese class again, but I don't know where should I seat. Most of the people who criticised me are actually Chinese you know? I think I should just remain sitting at the back, it is very scary you know? Looking at ominous and malicious stares just make me feel chilly. But, getting back to the root, that's what I deserve, some people I think.
Okay, JY, you still went through this post right? You aren't holding a single piece of tissue. (Wow, I can be a psychological doctor and earn lots of money if I guessed them correct) I can't help you in your problems, you can't help me too. So, what is the point both of us asking each other to be in other's shoes?
I saw a lot of blogs just now. Most of the blogs were talking about me. Only humiliation, criticism, insult and scolding. No one loves that, and neither me too. But if I were to simply find a person and ask, still they will give me a bad remark. You said I should try to be in your shoes, and I don't really think I can solve the incident better than you if I were you. But, if you were me, can you endure the pain of mine? I think you can, but you will just masquerade and camouflage yourself.
Actually, to tell the truth JY, it's not the incident that hurts me the most. The incident is easily forgetted. Here, I have to apologise one more time. I don't think you can make to the bottom of my post without tissues, so please be ready. (Hahaha, in fact, I don't think you will really cry) Now, no one is on the same line nor same side with me now. I don't really need them to attack you back, but at least, I need them to stop the scolding. No one scolds you, right? But hordes of your friends scolded me. You know how I felt when I saw their blogs? My heart was like hung on the wall with a string and swang like pendulum. That was scary.
Perhaps you will more likely trapped in the problem of being happy back again, and I did not really face the problem, so I can't help much in that. Which part I hurt the most? As usual, the heart. (Of course, people say heart-broken but not brain-broken even though the brain controls our emotion) Perhaps, I will not have any friends anymore, I mean the friends I used to have. But, Valerie, thanks for your advices, and Pui Ping, thanks for your encouragement. It helps, in a moderate degree, at least. Now I lost my reputation of being one of the top students. Valerie, that's why I hate being a clever person. I still ended up fooled, humiliated and insulted.
If I were not in this world, don't you think everyone will be much happier, even you too, JY? There would not be such an arguement.
I really hoped that I could change my surroundings, at least for a certain period. But that's not going to be true. I still had to face a lot of criticisms, which I couldn't stop myself from not ignoring them. Well, at least those criticisms are much less in 3 Amanah, right? Uggh, I don't really think so, because most of the students still criticise me beyond my knowledge. But at least, I am fortunate to not to be in the downstairs because I found a lot more people criticising me there.
Am I really poor? Yes, even if you asked me the same question over and over, but this time, is not just in terms of material wealth only. I lost a lot, and you too, I know. I don't know what you lost, but I know you lost. (What sentence is that?) What I lost? I lost friends, in the first place. I lost my reputation, and even though that is not the main scar, I think I am more upset on this. Now people don't trust my results. This made me lost the aspiration and the perseverance to study. If I studied, and get excellent results, they will think that I cheated. So what for I study? For my future? No, studying does not really ensure that your future is bright. But that's the only way I can do as a student.
Parallel with the title, do you think someone found what I lost? Yes, they know what I lost, and they found it, but they will never return that to me. (Until this point, do you know what I really lost?) I think you know, JY, because your English is supremely good, and your comprehensive skill is not bad either. Valerie, it might take you some time to find out. (No offense, but I think you are too blur in this matter) But, if I were to stop my steps, I will lose even more, don't you think so?
Tomorrow is Chinese class again, but I don't know where should I seat. Most of the people who criticised me are actually Chinese you know? I think I should just remain sitting at the back, it is very scary you know? Looking at ominous and malicious stares just make me feel chilly. But, getting back to the root, that's what I deserve, some people I think.
Okay, JY, you still went through this post right? You aren't holding a single piece of tissue. (Wow, I can be a psychological doctor and earn lots of money if I guessed them correct) I can't help you in your problems, you can't help me too. So, what is the point both of us asking each other to be in other's shoes?
Answers from Me
(I don't know whether you were talking about me in your post. If no, ignore this)
If you were talking about me, then I am now replying to you. Before I start, I hope that you can tell me why we are trapped in the vortex of arguement again. Okay, perhaps it was my two previous posts that make you feel uncomfortable. But do we really have to debate on blog?
(Okay, I am repeating this, this post counts only you if you were talking about me)
I don't really know whether you are talking about me, but the sentences in your post are indirectly pointing towards me. (Okay, this is what I think, not what you think)
So, I am entering straight to the point, and I will reply each of your sentence if I have the time to do so. (Everyone is revising now but I am still running this blog)
That incident just passed two or three days ago, so it's not a gazillion years ago.
Well, it doesn't hurt that much anymore now.
I know very well whether I can endure the pain, and I am confident that I can.
Okay, I am not the only one receiving advices.
My life is worse than yours - I am not getting a single thing I wanted.
I really can forget the incident if I try to surpass it with other things in my mind.
Some friends really can cheer me up but they mentioned that incident again. =.=
I am not hurt now because I laugh instead of smile. (Thanks Ngai Foong, for searching out grammatical errors in teachers' words and laughed at them)
I let the cheerful side of mine emerged itself and not forced it to do so.
The person that one least understands is himself / herself.
Forgive 100% done, forget 99% done. (The 1% will be done if my friends stops to mention the incident)
You will laugh easily if you have friends who can laugh with you. (The friends around you are far more serious than those around mine)
It's never easy because the unhappy side of me will emerge sometimes, but only if I let it to.
For the last two statements, I don't really know how to answer them.
If you were talking about me, then I am now replying to you. Before I start, I hope that you can tell me why we are trapped in the vortex of arguement again. Okay, perhaps it was my two previous posts that make you feel uncomfortable. But do we really have to debate on blog?
(Okay, I am repeating this, this post counts only you if you were talking about me)
I don't really know whether you are talking about me, but the sentences in your post are indirectly pointing towards me. (Okay, this is what I think, not what you think)
So, I am entering straight to the point, and I will reply each of your sentence if I have the time to do so. (Everyone is revising now but I am still running this blog)
That incident just passed two or three days ago, so it's not a gazillion years ago.
Well, it doesn't hurt that much anymore now.
I know very well whether I can endure the pain, and I am confident that I can.
Okay, I am not the only one receiving advices.
My life is worse than yours - I am not getting a single thing I wanted.
I really can forget the incident if I try to surpass it with other things in my mind.
Some friends really can cheer me up but they mentioned that incident again. =.=
I am not hurt now because I laugh instead of smile. (Thanks Ngai Foong, for searching out grammatical errors in teachers' words and laughed at them)
I let the cheerful side of mine emerged itself and not forced it to do so.
The person that one least understands is himself / herself.
Forgive 100% done, forget 99% done. (The 1% will be done if my friends stops to mention the incident)
You will laugh easily if you have friends who can laugh with you. (The friends around you are far more serious than those around mine)
It's never easy because the unhappy side of me will emerge sometimes, but only if I let it to.
For the last two statements, I don't really know how to answer them.
A Day Wasted
Okay, I went back to my "Latih Tubi" class, 3 Amanah today. I don't really like it, but at least, I don't have to go through another raging wave. Well, I found myself a more suitable seat for myself, and not many people can see what am I doing. Well, I can go out from the class without being noticed, or I can eat if I wish too. (Thanks Fiona, for your delicious mee, and I can't smell any vinegar inside).
Well, you sat at just right in front of the teacher, and I thought you were crazy since you actually can change your place. Hahaha, anyway it's none of my business. I found myself actually can forget the incident, if no one would ever mention it again. But duh, someone mentioned it again today, and [grrr...] I didn't want to make anymore statements but my mouth is always faster than my brain. Hey, I did not talk bad about you, so stop your scolding. (I know you will)
Peace? Never easy to achieve that. But I will try, and try, and try. Yeah, it will be always easy to achieve peace, for me. But that kind of peace, is not the true peace, it's just avoiding and dodging. Hey, just take a look at our country. Messy and totally in a chaos. And those politicians called this country a peaceful country? Time will only cover the matter, but not erase the matter.
Examination, is it really that important? Well, for wealthy people, of course you will say no. But for me, (I don't know what to say). If I had the rights to choose, I want to end my life earlier, but not in the way of suiciding. Okay, I don't think I can make it to 20 years old (Still got five years only). If I really have to suicide, I will just jump down from my class, with the head facing down. Wow, that makes a sure-die suicide. Hey, even though it is crazy, but it's better to have a sure-die suicide than a suicide that fails but instead, leaves you handicapped for the whole-life.
Grrrr.... I don't know what am I writing in this post. A sleepy person really does not do well in anything huh?
Well, you sat at just right in front of the teacher, and I thought you were crazy since you actually can change your place. Hahaha, anyway it's none of my business. I found myself actually can forget the incident, if no one would ever mention it again. But duh, someone mentioned it again today, and [grrr...] I didn't want to make anymore statements but my mouth is always faster than my brain. Hey, I did not talk bad about you, so stop your scolding. (I know you will)
Peace? Never easy to achieve that. But I will try, and try, and try. Yeah, it will be always easy to achieve peace, for me. But that kind of peace, is not the true peace, it's just avoiding and dodging. Hey, just take a look at our country. Messy and totally in a chaos. And those politicians called this country a peaceful country? Time will only cover the matter, but not erase the matter.
Examination, is it really that important? Well, for wealthy people, of course you will say no. But for me, (I don't know what to say). If I had the rights to choose, I want to end my life earlier, but not in the way of suiciding. Okay, I don't think I can make it to 20 years old (Still got five years only). If I really have to suicide, I will just jump down from my class, with the head facing down. Wow, that makes a sure-die suicide. Hey, even though it is crazy, but it's better to have a sure-die suicide than a suicide that fails but instead, leaves you handicapped for the whole-life.
Grrrr.... I don't know what am I writing in this post. A sleepy person really does not do well in anything huh?
September 13, 2008
T-Junction
Okay, I have been criticising everyone, and blaming them for blaming me. I had got some people who supported me (just a little), and some people who gave advices, and some people, who acted as if they are a good friend, but in reality they betrayed me. [Okay, listen you two (Yes, only two of you know about my blog), I am not talking about you two]
If I were to gazed the road I had walked before, I will see a thin mist covering it. The road I walked, was always rough and jagged. There was only a few roadsigns, and they were not that clear. The road was never straight, and it was full of obstacles. I am amazed that I could walk this far, at least, I lived longer than those who commited suicide. But I was never happy, for I was just wearing a mask all the time.
Why mask? Why not my own face? That was a long story, and no one would ever find it out, luckily. Perhaps I was dictated to walk the long, curvy and rough road. And, the ending of the road, might be nothing, or maybe just another roadsign, signifying my end of live. But, there is always another split road for me, if I think positively. It's just up to me to choose, and it greatly determines my next destination. Yes, I am in a T-junction now. There is only two ways to choose. The left is to whom Christian called Satan. The right is to Jesus. I had always liked the word "left", but as for this junction, it is not just depending on what word I like or hate. It may turn me into a completely different person.
Okay, you two, especially the Christian one, read these two paragraphs carefully. I had thought to turn into the left road. And I wanted to go into the left road. But I lacked something. Power. Now it's not just the power in the abstract form, is the magical form of power, or you can call it ESP (Extransensory Perception). And that will grant me whatever I want. Oh well, you might say I am crazy and trapped in the devil's vortex. But, hey, give me some time.
Now lets look at my right hand side. Oh, it's the correct way actually. But I had to put down everything, especially greed, glamour, pride and fame. Well, it's easy for you to put them down, but not for a Taurean - they are well-known for their materialistic thinking. Plus, entering that way means you must do a lot of things, especially going to church, reading the Bible, devotion etc. Again, easy for you but not for me. Duh, I feel really angry every Friday after the prayer, and I had told you that. I am really crazy now. Maybe the next minute I will be in the graveyard.
Okay, to the non-Christian one. If it wasn't that incident, perhaps I would turn into the right road without any hesitation. Okay, please don't feel guilty, and just read this thoroughly. Getting first in everything (Although it is not impossible) is my prime goal, and yes, I had earned the first person that you hate the most recently. I don't know whether I still had the rank or not, but then it doesn't matter that much now. Getting first is hard, especially if I want to win May Lee in my studies. But, if I want to get my scholarship, that's the only way I could do, I mean studying like a psycho. I don't have the money to go for tuition classes. I don't have money to ensure that I at least have a high-school education level. You see, now that others wouldn't want to forgive me, and I guess, I shouldn't care about what happened to them anymore. (Okay, now you know I am standing on the left turn's entrance). None of our classmates had experienced the same situation as me. Their parents (and yours too) are wealthy enough to give them a better education. But I know my own family well. I know I have to strive and endeavour to earn everything I want. I understood how you feel and think about me. But if I were to give up, I can't earn a single cent in the future. Please forgive me, and if the same incident happened again next time, you can blog what you want, and I wouldn't shower bad words on you again.
If, everyone had the same conditions as mine, don't you think even more people would download the papers? Well, I shouldn't mention the incident anymore, but it fueled up myself to strive harder. In other words, I will not download that paper I am confident that my future is bright.
Okay, another paragraph for her. (Not you two, but that person didn't know about my blog). Well, what makes you think that I am not poor? African kids? Everyone used that to convince me. But that is not effective for me. Because they were not around me. Those around me were those who do not worry anything, as if there is always a enlightening tomorrow. Actually, it makes no difference whether you want to forgive me, because now there is not a single person with me now, so save your words. (No offense but I really think that, at least, she wouldn't have to switch on her computer to apologise). Okay, tomorrow is a better day for you, and perhaps me too. But I think, if I were to sit at the corner myself and say nothing, it will be a best day everyday. And maybe +100% better for others too, isn't it? Some of our classmates throw a intimidating stare at meet whenever I talk, so I think it's better for me to be quiet.
If the world is always simple, there will be no crime. If the world is always understanding, there will be no poorness. Don't you two agree? Well, I don't know what you two think about this post, but at least, I wrote it with a chuckle. I don't know why I chuckled, and I wrote this with all the awful smoke smell on my body, which came from the newspaper I burnt. Well, at least, I had a better Mooncake Festival, which I originally thought that I would never forgive you before it comes.
Now some people (including you two) asked me whether we are still friends. Well, does my answer matter? I don't really think so, since you two still have your best friends, so my occurence as your friend will not change anything. To the non-Christian girl, my last sentence to you in this post is that, if there was no third-party in our arguement, perhaps I will answer, "Yes! We are still friends!" confidently, not reluctantly. I think that your best friends will never encourage you to accept me as a friend anymore. Okay, to the Christian girl. We were friends since primary school right? We were in the same class for five years, but for four years (Standard Three to Standard Six), we were acquintances. Yet we are in the same class this year. Actually, does my words about the incident matter that much? I think it's not, since our gap is never near. You might say I think that I am very fussy to say that I had to rethink our friendship. But I could have told you that it gurantees that we will not have any arguements. At least, we will not become enemies.
As for another two girls, it's not I don't want to accept you two as friends. The reason is just same as why I did not give the non-Christian girl a nice and happy answer. For the short girl, at least, we did not talked anything bad about each other, but, I don't think I am eligible (Is it correctly spelt?) to be your friend. For the girl whom apologised to me, I couldn't give an exact answer now. But thanks for your encouragement and advices.
The moon was not that round today, does that mean that my life is always lack of a piece? If yes, where is that piece? Does turning to Jesus gives me that piece?
If I were to gazed the road I had walked before, I will see a thin mist covering it. The road I walked, was always rough and jagged. There was only a few roadsigns, and they were not that clear. The road was never straight, and it was full of obstacles. I am amazed that I could walk this far, at least, I lived longer than those who commited suicide. But I was never happy, for I was just wearing a mask all the time.
Why mask? Why not my own face? That was a long story, and no one would ever find it out, luckily. Perhaps I was dictated to walk the long, curvy and rough road. And, the ending of the road, might be nothing, or maybe just another roadsign, signifying my end of live. But, there is always another split road for me, if I think positively. It's just up to me to choose, and it greatly determines my next destination. Yes, I am in a T-junction now. There is only two ways to choose. The left is to whom Christian called Satan. The right is to Jesus. I had always liked the word "left", but as for this junction, it is not just depending on what word I like or hate. It may turn me into a completely different person.
Okay, you two, especially the Christian one, read these two paragraphs carefully. I had thought to turn into the left road. And I wanted to go into the left road. But I lacked something. Power. Now it's not just the power in the abstract form, is the magical form of power, or you can call it ESP (Extransensory Perception). And that will grant me whatever I want. Oh well, you might say I am crazy and trapped in the devil's vortex. But, hey, give me some time.
Now lets look at my right hand side. Oh, it's the correct way actually. But I had to put down everything, especially greed, glamour, pride and fame. Well, it's easy for you to put them down, but not for a Taurean - they are well-known for their materialistic thinking. Plus, entering that way means you must do a lot of things, especially going to church, reading the Bible, devotion etc. Again, easy for you but not for me. Duh, I feel really angry every Friday after the prayer, and I had told you that. I am really crazy now. Maybe the next minute I will be in the graveyard.
Okay, to the non-Christian one. If it wasn't that incident, perhaps I would turn into the right road without any hesitation. Okay, please don't feel guilty, and just read this thoroughly. Getting first in everything (Although it is not impossible) is my prime goal, and yes, I had earned the first person that you hate the most recently. I don't know whether I still had the rank or not, but then it doesn't matter that much now. Getting first is hard, especially if I want to win May Lee in my studies. But, if I want to get my scholarship, that's the only way I could do, I mean studying like a psycho. I don't have the money to go for tuition classes. I don't have money to ensure that I at least have a high-school education level. You see, now that others wouldn't want to forgive me, and I guess, I shouldn't care about what happened to them anymore. (Okay, now you know I am standing on the left turn's entrance). None of our classmates had experienced the same situation as me. Their parents (and yours too) are wealthy enough to give them a better education. But I know my own family well. I know I have to strive and endeavour to earn everything I want. I understood how you feel and think about me. But if I were to give up, I can't earn a single cent in the future. Please forgive me, and if the same incident happened again next time, you can blog what you want, and I wouldn't shower bad words on you again.
If, everyone had the same conditions as mine, don't you think even more people would download the papers? Well, I shouldn't mention the incident anymore, but it fueled up myself to strive harder. In other words, I will not download that paper I am confident that my future is bright.
Okay, another paragraph for her. (Not you two, but that person didn't know about my blog). Well, what makes you think that I am not poor? African kids? Everyone used that to convince me. But that is not effective for me. Because they were not around me. Those around me were those who do not worry anything, as if there is always a enlightening tomorrow. Actually, it makes no difference whether you want to forgive me, because now there is not a single person with me now, so save your words. (No offense but I really think that, at least, she wouldn't have to switch on her computer to apologise). Okay, tomorrow is a better day for you, and perhaps me too. But I think, if I were to sit at the corner myself and say nothing, it will be a best day everyday. And maybe +100% better for others too, isn't it? Some of our classmates throw a intimidating stare at meet whenever I talk, so I think it's better for me to be quiet.
If the world is always simple, there will be no crime. If the world is always understanding, there will be no poorness. Don't you two agree? Well, I don't know what you two think about this post, but at least, I wrote it with a chuckle. I don't know why I chuckled, and I wrote this with all the awful smoke smell on my body, which came from the newspaper I burnt. Well, at least, I had a better Mooncake Festival, which I originally thought that I would never forgive you before it comes.
Now some people (including you two) asked me whether we are still friends. Well, does my answer matter? I don't really think so, since you two still have your best friends, so my occurence as your friend will not change anything. To the non-Christian girl, my last sentence to you in this post is that, if there was no third-party in our arguement, perhaps I will answer, "Yes! We are still friends!" confidently, not reluctantly. I think that your best friends will never encourage you to accept me as a friend anymore. Okay, to the Christian girl. We were friends since primary school right? We were in the same class for five years, but for four years (Standard Three to Standard Six), we were acquintances. Yet we are in the same class this year. Actually, does my words about the incident matter that much? I think it's not, since our gap is never near. You might say I think that I am very fussy to say that I had to rethink our friendship. But I could have told you that it gurantees that we will not have any arguements. At least, we will not become enemies.
As for another two girls, it's not I don't want to accept you two as friends. The reason is just same as why I did not give the non-Christian girl a nice and happy answer. For the short girl, at least, we did not talked anything bad about each other, but, I don't think I am eligible (Is it correctly spelt?) to be your friend. For the girl whom apologised to me, I couldn't give an exact answer now. But thanks for your encouragement and advices.
The moon was not that round today, does that mean that my life is always lack of a piece? If yes, where is that piece? Does turning to Jesus gives me that piece?
My Point of View
"Nearly every time when the results is pasted on the board, must be some who are sad, some are happy, some are angry(no idea), some are cracking themselves to the rest, etc. Just take an example, many people did not do well in their 1st trials because they did not expect that our principal would reshuffle the classes according to the results. They wondered they fell into deep cliff because they don't have the friends-who-they-close-with in the new classes. Chill out, nobody will be the luckiest forever, you deserve with the bad results because you never work hard for it. Assume it as your inspiration and do well in the coming exams -- PMR. Just be optimistic. Friends are not a must for you to suit yourself into a new environment. Do your best, beat the rest."
A quote from another friend of mine, whom had been in the same class with me for five years in primary school, and one year in the secondary school. Obviously, she was not standing on my side, but at least, she did not betrayed me too. I am glad to have her as a friend (But I might have to rethink that phrase "friend"), as she too, said I downloaded the papers from the website.
Listen to me, my blog-viewers, if you are a Secondary Three student in my school too, it was Pn. Izakiah who spread the address about the papers. But unfortunately, my teacher is another one, and he did not tell me that. And yet those students who knew the website, did not even bother to search for the papers. (This friend and the friend I mentioned in the previous post, I am not talking about you, I am refering to another guy and another girl). When they did not know how to do the questions, they did not say that they did not study, or I should say, they did not had the initiative to look for the papers. And they point their fingers at me, criticising my acts. Hey, you and you were the ones who did not care about taking a look at the papers, so don't blame others for viewing the papers.
Okay, the friend I mentioned on the previous post, if you still think that I am using this post to point my finger at you, I am sorry. But I really think that I did nothing wrong. But there will never be a person who will understand my feelings and the reasons and I searched for the papers. You were lucky to have friends to help you, and also a lot of students who did not look for the papers, to attack me.
A quote from another friend of mine, whom had been in the same class with me for five years in primary school, and one year in the secondary school. Obviously, she was not standing on my side, but at least, she did not betrayed me too. I am glad to have her as a friend (But I might have to rethink that phrase "friend"), as she too, said I downloaded the papers from the website.
Listen to me, my blog-viewers, if you are a Secondary Three student in my school too, it was Pn. Izakiah who spread the address about the papers. But unfortunately, my teacher is another one, and he did not tell me that. And yet those students who knew the website, did not even bother to search for the papers. (This friend and the friend I mentioned in the previous post, I am not talking about you, I am refering to another guy and another girl). When they did not know how to do the questions, they did not say that they did not study, or I should say, they did not had the initiative to look for the papers. And they point their fingers at me, criticising my acts. Hey, you and you were the ones who did not care about taking a look at the papers, so don't blame others for viewing the papers.
Okay, the friend I mentioned on the previous post, if you still think that I am using this post to point my finger at you, I am sorry. But I really think that I did nothing wrong. But there will never be a person who will understand my feelings and the reasons and I searched for the papers. You were lucky to have friends to help you, and also a lot of students who did not look for the papers, to attack me.
The Scar
Well, fiery person normally don't have scars, but they leave scars on people instead, isn't it? But I would rather say myself, an inactive volcano, which erupts after enduring and enduring. Well, I don't know whether that case will leave a scar on me or not, since I am trying to release my intense heat.
Okay, no offense for the next few paragraphs, as it is just what I think, and I don't think it is wrong doing that.
"We were once friends..[I think so] We can talk laugh gossip like any other friends would do... But because of one word E-X-A-M[dat's why i said SCREW the word exam]...Everything started to change..Our view of each other, our friendship which seems to be broken by now...Our mind of thinking of nothing but bad words and bad stuff to say about each other..."
A quote from my friend, whom I had argued with her yesterday, even till the night. Oh yeah, the core of our arguement, as mentioned by her, was the examination, which I searched for the exam papers before the examination starts. Well, I don't think that is anything wrong with my action. Searching for papers is not the same as cheating. I did not print the papers and brought into the examination class. Plus, it was our teacher who gave us the link, so it is not considered wrong. I had the initiative to spend 1/4 of my day for three days, searching for the papers, and did them one by one. If one paper had 40 question, I can say that I did 400 questions all on my own. So, what's wrong with my act? I did not steal nor rob the paper. I went through the papers by myself.
"I will not delete my blog..I need it to express myself..What I don't dare to say in front of others..What I tend to keep to myself and all I could have done is BLOG..You deleted your blog..As an act of putting a fullstop to the war between us.."
Another quote from her. Okay, how should I say that, I wonder? I deleted my blog because I hoped to put our arguement to an end, but she did not even delete a single or two post, or accurately, some paragraphs. Well, I can't make her do what I want. And, she had friends who stood on her side and attacked me. I had none. Not even a single one, yet those people in my form called themselves as my friends. Pathetic, for me. Yeah, because I am just a homework-machine for them, and maybe a printer. I am a worthless junk for them......
I wanted an answer, not just from her, and not just from my classmates. And I wanted a fair judgement for me too.
Okay, no offense for the next few paragraphs, as it is just what I think, and I don't think it is wrong doing that.
"We were once friends..[I think so] We can talk laugh gossip like any other friends would do... But because of one word E-X-A-M[dat's why i said SCREW the word exam]...Everything started to change..Our view of each other, our friendship which seems to be broken by now...Our mind of thinking of nothing but bad words and bad stuff to say about each other..."
A quote from my friend, whom I had argued with her yesterday, even till the night. Oh yeah, the core of our arguement, as mentioned by her, was the examination, which I searched for the exam papers before the examination starts. Well, I don't think that is anything wrong with my action. Searching for papers is not the same as cheating. I did not print the papers and brought into the examination class. Plus, it was our teacher who gave us the link, so it is not considered wrong. I had the initiative to spend 1/4 of my day for three days, searching for the papers, and did them one by one. If one paper had 40 question, I can say that I did 400 questions all on my own. So, what's wrong with my act? I did not steal nor rob the paper. I went through the papers by myself.
"I will not delete my blog..I need it to express myself..What I don't dare to say in front of others..What I tend to keep to myself and all I could have done is BLOG..You deleted your blog..As an act of putting a fullstop to the war between us.."
Another quote from her. Okay, how should I say that, I wonder? I deleted my blog because I hoped to put our arguement to an end, but she did not even delete a single or two post, or accurately, some paragraphs. Well, I can't make her do what I want. And, she had friends who stood on her side and attacked me. I had none. Not even a single one, yet those people in my form called themselves as my friends. Pathetic, for me. Yeah, because I am just a homework-machine for them, and maybe a printer. I am a worthless junk for them......
I wanted an answer, not just from her, and not just from my classmates. And I wanted a fair judgement for me too.
Diamond Dust
What is diamond dust? Well, it is a ground-level cloud composed of tiny ice crystals. It generally forms under otherwise clear or nearly clear skies, so it is sometimes referred to as clear-sky precipitation. It is most commonly observed in Antarctica and the Arctic, but it can occur anywhere with a temperature well below freezing. In Polar regions diamond dust may continue for days without interruption.
Some people might ask, why I named my blog as Diamond Dust? Well, don't you think a breeze of tiny ice crystal is soothing? For most people, diamond dust is chilly and, it is not soothing at all. But for me, I hoped that I could remain that chill everyday. Hordes of people were attacking me recently, and obviously, I am a bad guy in their point of view.
Well, if I really resemble diamond dust, perhaps I would not care anything about those people. And I will continue with my life without any interruption or imbalance. But, I found myself actually a deep-boiled volcano, erupts at anytime, without warning or signal. Haha, ice and fire do not match at all, others will say. Yeah, I know that too, but now I am just trying to release my heat, and I don't really think that I will success in that.
In others' mind, perhaps I am a cheater, a vandal, an arsonist, or even an assassin, who leaves others with lines of tears but never care about them. But, lets not care about others, shouldn't I? The life is mine, and I develop my future myself.
Some people might ask, why I named my blog as Diamond Dust? Well, don't you think a breeze of tiny ice crystal is soothing? For most people, diamond dust is chilly and, it is not soothing at all. But for me, I hoped that I could remain that chill everyday. Hordes of people were attacking me recently, and obviously, I am a bad guy in their point of view.
Well, if I really resemble diamond dust, perhaps I would not care anything about those people. And I will continue with my life without any interruption or imbalance. But, I found myself actually a deep-boiled volcano, erupts at anytime, without warning or signal. Haha, ice and fire do not match at all, others will say. Yeah, I know that too, but now I am just trying to release my heat, and I don't really think that I will success in that.
In others' mind, perhaps I am a cheater, a vandal, an arsonist, or even an assassin, who leaves others with lines of tears but never care about them. But, lets not care about others, shouldn't I? The life is mine, and I develop my future myself.
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